31 Days Of Gratitude #Day2

بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيمِ

Assalamualai'kum WaRahmatullahi WaBarakatuh.

Hari ani, inda semena-mena teringat memori silam aiee mulanya. *eseh, maklum, blogger ani berumur sudah.* Those days for me were chaos, pasal apa? Darah muda. Uhuk-uhuk. During that period of time, kitani mula kan rasa rebellious. I mean, semua kan dipertikaikan lah. Tapi yang anehnya, kitani inda timbang pun apa yang tani buat atu whether bagus or inda. Yang penting, asal hati tani puas. 

Well, I admit, I was a timid person when I was young. And so my guardians maybe had a little almost to no problem with me. *Yup-yup, aku angkat bakul jap. Perasan budak baik. Muntah sana jauh-jauh.* Mungkin jua, during my teenage days atu, belum sempat kan rebel sampai kerat sana, kerat sini, headbanging, pakai eyeliner tabal 15kali apply, lipstick lebih hitam dari arang dan sebagainya. Alhamdulillah, mungkin the way my guardians took care of me was very effective against teenage rebellious stage. Wallahu’alam.

Let me reminisce a bit, I was in one of those days when I felt, I needed to run away. Yalah, kadang-kadang, rasa fed up dengan dunia and segala peraturan-peraturan yang entah kenapa aku patut ikutkan. I was searching for ‘diri sendiri’. I mean, I had been living in people’s expectation and rules, so along the way, I couldn’t keep up with them and just kept on questioning myself, “Siapa aku? Atas prinsip apa aku hidup? Kenapa aku perlu ikut apa pilihan orang untuk aku? Sampai bila until aku hidup berpandukan kemahuan orang?” Can’t believe I was actually questioning that during that age but I guess, being cowardice didn’t help me that much. I kept focusing on others’ wants and expectations and as long as they were feeling content with it then they wouldn’t do anything bad to me. *see, how cowardly I was back then! XD* Or so I think.

Alhamdulillah at one point something came up to me. And I guess that one action changed the whole thing and here I am, sedang bersuai kenal dengan diri sendiri, sedang memegang teguh pada prinsip diri and Allahu’allam, sampai mana dah aku merangkak dalam sketsa hidup di dimensi yang baru.

“… when you get somewhere, you will be in better position to decide what you want.” – Mufti Ismail Menk.

Ngam lah. Only until we go through some period of hardships and we act upon it, even if it is just a small thing, Allah will turn it around into something big! That’s why, walaupun kitani penakut mana sekali pun, if we don’t do anything then bila masanya kitani dapat ubah kehidupan and lari dari kepayahan? 

Alhamdulillah on this date, 2/12/2016, marked the 7^th year of that Tragedi Disember. And more years to come, personally, I don’t know what will happen but surely, may Allah keep me firm and make me be as grateful as I am today and in the future. AllahuAkbar.

#Day2 #SentimentalMuch #MyFirstShitsuren #HappenedForAReason

RrJ